Ch 27: Does your mother know that you're out ?
by ProudMuggleGirl
Summary: This is my fan Chapter 27 for " The Lamentations of a Starry-Eyed Twit". Auriga overhears Christopher Goldstein talking about a dream he had of her. She responds in the most appropriate manner possible: with ABBA.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Mamma Mia or She's a Star creation Auriga ( well- her way of describing her) but I love her work dearly. I kinda put it up there with Harry Potter. I read her stuff all through my adolescence too. Obviously it was HER adolescence too- I mean I'm 20 and she can't me much older or younger if I remember vague school excused correctly. Anyhow this is for everyone who wants a little more. She really is a very fun character to write. And for my own inclination to ramble endlessly and not acknowledge romantic connections- she deoes hold a snazzy bit of my heart (Auriga) as well._

_Title: Chapter 27 Does your mother know that you're out? _

_Summary: A rather pleasant Day dream about his favorite teacher. Crush fic. Auriga overhears Christopher talking about a dream he had about her. She reacts as maturely as possible. Set as Chapter 27 of LOASET. It's fanfiction of Harry Potter fanfiction. _

_Notes: I always thought Christopher was creepy when I read the story first, then I saw Mamma Mia. Then everything came together. This is " lamentations- verse" and from Christopher In a magical time pocket - or fan chapter 27. _

_-o-_

_**Hagrid's Hut**_

_**January 15**__**th**__**, 1992**_

_**12:20pm **_

Well, hello again, how are you ?

It has been quite a while, hasn't it?

I suppose so.

What?

No, sorry I've sort of vowed not to talk about Kettleburn. No way I'll ever rehash THAT.

Took me nearly a week to forget.

Far too creepy.

Oh, really?

Isn't that interesting.

_Despite it being vaguely insane- I __do_ believe I ought to show some courtesy to the only thing I will EVER CONFIDE IN EVER AGAIN.

Damn you Victoria.

Sorry to fly off the handle that way- notebook. I know you'll be wanting to know what brought this most recent bout of loathing for Professor Vector- well I'll tell you. I suppose you'll want to know why I'm here as well- I'll get to that.

First I am going to massage my chin so my jaw will become unlocked and I'll be ready to go.

**12:45pm**

That does feel nice.

Okay, enough stalling.

So, I'm sure you know of Christopher. That sweet if slightly obsessed Hufflepuff boy who contributed to the violent injury of my boyfriend?

Ex-boyfriend, well anyhow I heard him talking to his little friend today,

It's nice to have friends now- isn't it?

I used to be able to rely on Victoria but that's all past now.

All right- all right.

Christopher , fancying me as a squirrel does acorns, was telling his friend that he had a rather inappropriate dream about me the other day.

Honestly, notebook I must tell you something I wouldn't tell Victoria because I knew for certain she would judge me.

The way he described it was really very hot.

NOT THAT I WOULD EVER CORRUPT AN INNOCENT STUDENT. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

Only…

Well- its not as though I'm tempted but I now feel as though I have all the hormonal self control of a sixteen year old boy.

Shut up. Or -something. Just don't judge me, yet.

Keep reading.

I think the lad could have quite the career in writing.

See?

Perhaps he could heavily edit the works of Moira K. Mockridge. Even though Moira is brilliant all on her own.

Right.

I was walking back from breakfast, wrapped up in my favorite scarf, sort of laughing at the frigid stone floor for all the comfort I was experiencing. I HAD hoped to share this little ditty before becoming distracted, so for continuities sake I shall.

It went like so:

' Ha ha-so warm! Angora is made of WARMTH' only that was mostly in my head- what I had actually ended up saying was " Ha…WARMTH". I was so distracted by how warm my neck was.

So then as I was innocently enjoying the pleasure of a rabbit hair accessory I heard somebody near a suit of armor on the third floor (where I had ended up- so lost in my mad and sudden desire to acquire a comforter made of angora. I really must pay a bit more attention.) who sounded excited.

I was rather desperately hoping it wasn't Wimmy- from far off house elves sound like excited first years, so I hung back as stealthily as my very warm boots would allow.

I also have the socks to match.

In Ravenclaw colors.

Oh, all right - I do also own the gloves and travel pillow.

I could very well need to rest my neck for long period s of time, notebook -so don't give me that.

And I know very well that nearly every magical mode of transport is instant and is nearly never in a sitting position with anything to lean on.

Come to think of it- there should be a study on how this effects the health of our backs.

It could give Wimmy something to do. Dumbledore would be all for it- I don't doubt.

I'm sure muggles have much more neck support than your average witch or wizard.

Now my neck hurts.

Where was I again?

Oh- my scarf.

This morning was wonderful for climate controlling my body. Oh dear. Now I'm blushing- moving on.

As you well know it was Christopher and some other Hufflepuff with proficient bacne ( that's ''Back acne'' note book) that had migrated up to his neck under his chin. The boy was quite disgusting -really. I almost thought he had Dragon Pox.

So Bacne and Christopher were talking and - I have to massage my jaw again.

**12:55pm**

I know it has nothing to do with writing- but it hurts.

This wouldn't have happened if- putting the Thestral before the carriage again.

So he had this smarmy expression on his face and he nodded slowly.

Obnoxious little prat.

" Oh yeah, it was about …Mrs. Robinson," he said looking around.

I was confused- because I am incredibly thick. Then I realized- he was talking about me. His code name for me, with his perverted little friends is Mrs. Robinson.

I kid you not , notebook.

" What happened?" Bacne asked in an anticipating tone I had hoped never to hear from one of my students. If I could see something beside the back of his head from where I was hiding- strike that- from where I was observing, then I'm sure I would have seen drool dripping out of the corner of his mouth.

" We were up in the Astronomy tower," he said- how very original by the way. Way to make your fantasy of me as lame as possible.

" NICE!" his slow friend said.

" It was after class and she was wearing that dress- you know? With that V-neck?" He said. I had no idea they had a more intimate knowledge of my wardrobe than I did- do I even OWN any v-necks?

" Well she was wearing that and her hair all up and with the _lipstick_ ," he said meaningfully and his friend groaned appreciatively. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to hear all this at that point- but I couldn't move.

I swear I was paralyzed by the new knowledge my students were deviants!

This is the part that I think would land the boy a job in the writing industry.

" So she leans over my desk before I leave and says, ' I saw your charts and you have an amazing eye for detail,' and she leans over the desk and I can see right down her dress as she starts twirling her finger around on the chart. ' I was hoping to give you some advance lessons and if you do really well- you can count on house points…I know you won't disappoint me,' she said!" Christopher whispered quickly.

Sweet stars- he's made me sound like some sort of extortionist !

And- oh dear.

Promise to finish later!

**2:15pm **

**My bedroom **

You hide out in somebody's hut without permission once and suddenly it's " Are yeh feelin' well, Auriga?" and " Perhaps yeh should see Madam Pomphrey," . I have been taking care of myself very well for twenty-nine years thank you very much,

Well- despite my recent problems, I have.

I just- I really had a hard time getting back here and missed lunch entirely today because of Victoria. Though this might be good penance.

So , yes.

Back to the dirty mind of a seventeen year old boy.

So after "I" said that, he was incredibly shy - in the dream and Dream-me proceeded to seduce him. As if with all those hormones- they even need it.

A mop with a bikini top could seduce Christopher. But this isn't HER journal -it's mine.

Assuming that bikini clad mops have journals- though if they already have bikini's I suppose it isn't so much of a stretch.

Anyhow.

Somehow the dream pair ended up on the roof of the tower against the low wall and …oh sweet Merlin.

Deep breaths.

Then I made some kind of comment about removing Orion's belt ( the worst thing is that he actually remembers it's visible from October to early January- I suppose it reflects well on my teaching abilities but …still. ) and it started to get cold and somehow wind blew up some dry leaves and they twirled around on the rooftop , around the telescope stands, and around our feet and he pulled a wooly black and blue Ravenclaw blanket over himself and he leaned over me where I was on the cold stone roof and took the scarf I was wearing and- his tie.

Sweet Merlin- deep breaths.

THAT was when …oh- who am I kidding . There's more.

He TIED MY HANDS TO THE TELE SCOPE STAND WITH MY FLUFFY SCARF.

MY poor innocent scarf.

I miss it now.

Of course I had to leave it in one of the suits of armor- no way am I ever wrapping that around my neck.

Then, when I had to lean against the wall I thought about somebody else looming over me , up against the low Astronomy tower ledge. Of course I stumbled off- I felt rather weak.

It could have been the last of innocence bubbling and condensing like foul fruit reduction…piping hot at the bottom of my soul.

I always felt something important would happen there and that it would be a bit scary, and so I shivered.

Did I ever.

**3:00 pm**

Sorry, back.

I was distracted…because of fear. And noting else at all! Then I left as he started a rather graphic bit about bending down and putting my knee's over his shoulders- UHG.

I mean he's short the mechanics might work- only I think it would be better about the waist with a taller, stronger man…

**3:05pm**

Get a hold of yourself woman!

Forgive the …drool, notebook. I must say that's probably the least sexy thing I've ever seen.

I may not need to tell you how brightly I'm blushing.

Anyhow. I told Victoria all of this at lunch because Quirrel and Snape were both absent.

She cracked up around the part where I said " Mrs. Robinson,". so I stopped there .

Thank the stars- but a fat lot of good they do for me when I need some serious inspection and charting.

Nobody ever tells me when I'll be in orbit.

Perhaps it's better she not know. Still I feel as though I need to snip this in the bud.

Oh- I'll just tell her.

How bad could it be, really? If I omit my reactions- I should be perfectly fine. Besides we're both professional women- I'm sure she's stopped thinking it was funny.

Hopefully.

**3:35pm**

Vicious cow.

I hate her and her little dog too!

If only Victoria _had_ a dog, which she doesn't .

Damn.

Well- to be honest- she IS helping me now. She promised to help me- she had the perfect plan.

She says. For some reason she asked me if I knew about Muggle clock radios.

Which makes me think of toast, and bacon. I am famished.

I suppose she does have more experience gracefully denying - advances?

Oh ,no. I sound like my mother.

I am now certain that Victoria can only help- while occasionally being a vicious cow- she most certainly is not related to my mother.

I'm just brooding until she comes and shows me her master plan.

It better be good.

**11:45pm**

Wow- Notebook. I just… wow.

Well- I don't know for sure yet , but I certainly believe in her plan.

You see, Victoria has a very dark secret- she listens to …Abba.

Also anyone else who decided to prance around in funny costumes and sing.

Yes.

Victoria Vector is a musical fan girl.

And it so happens that one of her favorites is playing this Christmas in France-something she hopes to see unbeknownst to her perfect fiancée . It's a movie based on Abba songs.

Those crazy muggle Swedes who thought a lot about dancing queens.

Apparently she believes playing their music on a wireless alarm clock will brain wash Christopher Goldstein into no longer having dirty thoughts about me.

After listening to the entire album (converted so the wizarding world can share in the pain) I have decided that it is bound to work.

"Does your mother know that you're out" seems entirely appropriate.

Only I feel as though I would suffer a literal painful and figurative reputation death should his mother ever know of the depths to which Christopher …

Erm- fancies me.

Oh-notebook- who a I kidding? The boy wants me more than Dumbledore wants lemon drops.

Now that was a successful mental image- nobody can feel ill at ease when imagining that man with a lemon drop.

It's so innocent.

The elderly are in general-really.

Ah, right, back to Victoria.

So she's a mad musical freak. I do like that one about the older woman saying no the attractive but worth jail-time boy WHO JUST WON'T LEAVE HER ALONE.

But she's fairly classy about it- and very clear.

So after she fished it out - I got to see how brilliant she is at charms as well.

However today I don't feel so jealous.

After all- she does know all the words to a show about a promiscuous retired showgirl.

I can hardly be mad, knowing about all that .

So we fixed a little radio and now came the risky part- I had to get it into his room.

" I don't see how you'd have a problem getting in , Auriga. After all- you're very popular there," she said with a smile.

Back to hating her.

So then I'm , of course, plagued with anxiety about what to do to explain myself. Really- at that point- I didn't think playing a song about an older woman and younger man in a boys dormitory was really going to earn me any point with Dumbledore should find out.

Oh _forget _Dumbledore , if Snape ever found out I think I would have to throw myself off that tower. So as I contemplated this I passed the suit of armor and saw part of my scarf sticking out the leg.

Now THAT certainly could constitute leading the boy on.

Leaving a song playing by loop in his room.

Using my scarf- to.

Well I did.

I went up to the Entrance and when it swung right open I used the first person I came across.

It was some Hufflepuff girl.

No- not like that you dirty notebook!

" I was told by one of the prefects that they'd seen one of my scarves going into your dormitory-" I said and before she could respond I held my hand up and walked through.

" Now I don't care who did it- I only want it back, please just let me search the boy's dormitories and I won't have to tell your head of house. It's Hannah , isn't it?" I asked with a very decent amount authority.

She nodded slowly, looking scared.

Poor dear.

" You'll have to point me in the direction , my dear," I said- glad to notice nobody else was in the common room. Hannah led me to the stairs that went down.

" Now you can count on fifteen house points if you don't tell anyone I was here- how does that sound?" I asked patting her on the back. She looked as though she was trying to say something but she was too terrified of how badly I'd violate her housemates.

" I can always take them away," I said raising my eyebrow and trying to do my best Emma Peel impression. I'm afraid it came out more as McGonagal- but that's good enough. Hannah scampered off quickly.

I quickly located Christopher's bed.

Oh do shut up, notebook.

It's just easy to identify a person's area when they have such a strong personality. Besides, it smelled like that obscenely strong aftershave so many teenage put on by the ounce.

Subtle smells are so much more attractive.

Anyhow.

I planted it, and set the activation charm.

I am quite good at that one.

Perhaps I'm more Emma Peel than I thought.

I always loved that programme.

When I set it , I allowed myself a little cackle and mind you I did not feel the least bit bad either.

The boy called me Mrs. _Robinson_.

All societal incites have been _dispensed_.

I should have carved something menacing into his head board- but again…that could be misconstrued.

She was waiting by the armor, and I pulled my scarf ou.

Feel like it was sort of…I don't know.

Purified by the experience.

So that's about it ,notebook…oh and I _did_ spend a while in Victoria's room with the albums afterward.

And after supper.

This is as close to Karaoke as I will ever get.

That of course is a total lie- but I feel too good about myself to fully chronicle the week following my break up with Paul.

In fact I think I'll send him a belated Christmas card.

Well, no. I won't.

But the general feeling of accomplishment is still there.

We did have fun in her room-singing. Though Victoria is hardly a belter. I expect she's a better group singer.

Not to imply she was bad- but some parts are really more suited for belting.

I have to say " Honey , Honey" is my favorite. It is somewhat immature and ridiculous- but really.

If you ARE singing a whimsical love ballad about your boyfriend's sexual prowess- unbridled joy and giddiness hardly seems inappropriate.

Enviable- definitely.

And I cancelled my classes for the night.

After all- I just really don't think I could look at another Ravenclaw, or the telescopes- something I'll eventually have to get over.

Probably.

I certainly hope this solves the Goldstein debacle.

I don't see any resolution to the Wimmy issue any time soon though.

Unless- I manage to convince Dumbledore to let Wimmy into the Chiropractic research business.

This won't bare strange dreams in the least. Sarcasm.

G'night notebook.


End file.
